Damn I Look Fine...

Some people don't like the way I dress. Now, I know that's just their jealousy talking; their trying to alter the reality of a situation to suit their own interests. To, in some small way, attempt to make up for all that they lack.  I mean, I could pull off wearing a banana peel and still look good, no, damn fine, in fact. But here's the point. I've accomplished enough to dress however I want, or look however I want to. When you reach the level I have, you can just do it.  When I wear something, dress, or look a certain way, it's not sloppy, or messy, or inappropriate. It's colorful, it's eccentric, it's original, it's couture. It's perfect. You know what else? What I wore last spring and fall is what your kids wanted to wear last spring and fall, and what they will be wearing next spring and fall because they saw it on me. It's trend setting. It's high fashion. and you're scumbags.    

The Strangers Things Happen To Me...

Man (Dude), you guys are never going to believe this, but the strangest thing happened to me the other day. 

I was flying back into town when my bag was misplaced, and with it, I lost my key to the private bathroom.  So, I was forced to use the public facility.  Upon entering that the public bathroom, I noticed that there were no urinals, only troughs.  Now I have been familiar with taking a piss for many years, but never in a trough, it was a new experience, yet erily similar to the experiences of taking a piss I had had before. Without my key, or my familar urinals, that I felt almost as if were broken in like an old pair of shoes to the way my pecker relieved itself, I was caught in a conundrum. Luckily, however, out of the blue, at that very moment, the swedish bikini team happened to be passing by and out of the goodness of thier hearts, they offered to hold my unit to make sure I didn't miss the trough, or even worse, slip and fall into a pool of my own wee wee.  After disaster was averted, we all went out to dinner together, where they told me all thier accomplishements and asperations for the future, but I wasn't buying it, I could see that they knew that their time in the league or spotlight was short and that they were just looking to garner as much out of it while they still could. They were looking to, lets see, leech, or pigback on, or ummmm...hold my hand to the success and fame they would never achieve on their own. Yeah, that's it.  And they knew it. And I knew it. We ended our encounter with them purchasing me a $1,000 gift, a nice try, but I still wasn't having any of it.

I may be a gay magnet (for those unfamiliar with that term I invented, it is someone who gay people can not resist, it in no way implies I am gay, because I am not, only that actual gay people are obsessed with me.) But you are a manget for everything that is past its expiration date.

Want to know who gossip columnist are? They are the people that aren't trusted to cover anything important, but that upper management would feel bad firing, so they give them some frivolous job that they figure it doesn't matter if they phuk up because nobody reads it anyways and the other 75% of the stories come from the AP anyways. They write about all the things they just feel like making up or that they see and hear. Which really only qualifies them for one other thing; moving here and becoming a judge.

 

That's Life?

Don't you all just hate people that say "That's Life."?

Let Me tell you all something:

"Life" is when a great, big, bolt of lightening streaks down from the heavens and drills you in the ass. Everything else is manipulated, man-made, bullchit that people cause themselves. 

Now watch out, I just heard some thunder.

(yeah, yeah, I know theoretically the lightening comes before the thunder. Unless you don't see the lightening and only hear the thunder and then the next time the lightening comes it just seems like it was thunder then lightening, but really it was lightening then thunder, you just missed the lightening part. Of course, you could be at such a distance and the slope of the earth could cause you to miss the lightening and only hear the thunder in which case then it would be completely feasible that one would believe it was thunder then lightening. I really think the thing to take away from this is the getting drilled by the lightening part. Don't be concerned with the sequence of events. Just remember: Lightening + your Ass = Life (how's that for math!). your screaming would probably drown out the sound of the thunder anyway. So then it would just seem like a never ending series of lightening strikes, which sounds about right.)

 

 

Back In The Day...

I remember when I used to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings; when there were actually cartoons on on Saturaday mornings. There always used to be this commercial that came on and it went a little something like this.

When you tell one lie, it leads to another.

Then you tell two lies, to cover the other.

And soon you'll be rejected, neglected, disliked, (lose your pension, your complex, etc.) and you shoooouuuuuld.

'Cause when you lie you're talking the fun outta everything good.

Or something like that. Little would it be revealed at that time that what I was really listening to was what should be the fraternity theme song. 

Disarming Has Many Meanings

Oh, the media. How ratings and revenue drive what the masses see and the information they are provided. I take it most of you are riveted by the coverage an event can elicit. Captivated by the depth and breathe of the information provided. Crave ever ounce of wisdom their experts can provide. Why? Because you think that everything they do makes things better for you. You think that the more information they provide the safer you will be. The better able to identify what to look for in an event, situation, or person that may be a danger. But hold up a second. Does the ability to label something make your interpretation of it any more relevant to it's action? All of you sit there and you take in what is feed to you. How they label, tell you tell tale signs, how to identify. What is important for them to know, but not any of you. This information, as you take it, is in you minds meant to allow you to identify what to look for to keep yourselves safe, and in a perfect world, that's what it would be used for. But this isn't a perfect world and that information can be, and is manipulated. Manipulated by whom? Most of you sit there and think "well the danger is that people will try to copy cat what they see" and that to an extent is true. And that's what I'm saying too. Except, the type of copy cating I'm taking about comes from the danger of telling people what "tell tale" signs are and "what to look for" is. The danger is in the labeling. Because in an imperfect world, when you tell people what to look for, you put ideas in the minds of not just those who would use that information to do good, but also those who would not. You put those ideas in the minds of corrupt fraternities, corrupt lawyers, corrupt politicians, corrupt judges, corrupt doctors, corrupt individuals, corrupt etc, who take this type of information, the "what to look for" and use it as a foundation to build agendas against innocent people. You are providing the corrupt with templates to build false reports on. And in doing so, posing a threat to the liberty of anyone who can then be subjected to being characterized with no evidence, no proof, no anything outside of what has been said about them by the corrupt, and the slander of what they have been templated with. I know of what I speak.

It's an imperfect world. And unless you are willing to give up everyone of your rights, people need to realize that they themselves are ultimately responsible for taking care of themselves. You can't rely on others, or rules, or regulations, or some system because none of them work. They are imperfect at best and corrupt at worst. Some things that happen are the price that is paid to live in a free society, free society means that you can't just violate someones rights because you feel like it or because you want to try to make yourself look important by doing it. But, just because it is a free society, that doesn't mean that it excludes people from having to take responsibility for the fact that bad things can, and sometimes do, happen. It is better to have to take responsibility for taking care of ourselves than to lose our rights or allow the corrupt to manipulate and distort our freedoms in an attempt to selfishly get the outcomes that are best for themselves and relieve themselves from liability. I know of what I speak.   

I Have A Pro Bono

Quote:

 "CP, you are awfully good at this legal stuff, you should go to law school."

CP:

"I believe the fact that law schools use my work as case studies to teach their classes would overqualify me for endeavors of that nature."

 

I Carry A License...

I was thinking about having T-shirts made up that say "I'm Not CP" in the front of them and the numbers 0-100 on the back. That way, whenever anyone sees somebody wearing one of the shirts, he or she will know 1 thing for certain. The individual wearing it is definitely not The CP regardless of the number on his back. This concept can be extended to cars and license plates, homes and addresses, etc.

I know I wasn't speaking to who you thought I, I though, I was speaking to. That's the point. See how easy it is to try to make people believe someone is someone else? Well it shouldn't be when it comes to me. That's what I'm talking about and that's what they have been doing. So when filling out my check, be sure it goes directly to Me.